Books in the Bath (Subjective / Objective Reality)

Or should that be…

Objective / Subjective Reality (Books in the Bath)

Two hours in the bath with 3 books – Robert Anton Wilson, Rudolf Steiner and The Balanced View Team. Reality Tunnel fully expanded, brain fully fried and body fully shrivelled. But that’s fine cos I am not my body and my mind is not in my brain, my mind is a quantum computer that is the reality it is perceiving ‘out there’. Which is my subjective perception that objective ‘reality’ is subjective perception which is an objective truth but only in my subjective reality.
But my essays aren’t about any of those things, so perhaps I should read the other books… X


I am just a concept with concepts…

I am just a concept with concepts…

The end. Full stop. Period.

Yeah, right. If only. Monkey minds gotta keep philosophising, right? Or why else did we incarnate? Gotta find something to do between now and death, right? Trust me, the desire to feed or f*** will give you plenty to do between now and death without trying…

If I deconceptualise myself, will I vanish?

I dunno, it gets all Matrixy if I’m a figment of my own imagination am I also a figment of your imagination. I think maybe we all have to deconceptualise me cos if I deconceptualise on my own I’ll just get sectioned. It’s a theory.

Does a stone have consciousness? Is a rock aware?

I BELIEVE some quantum physicists, or at least some quantum theorists, would also say that a stone has consciousness. But then we have to start defining things like consciousness. Which one might define as awareness of self, others might say that it is merely awareness. Others might say that’s all too much thinking and misses the point of a statement as simple as “I’m just a concept with concepts”. But that seems to be a microcosm of the macrocosm of incarnating at all. We all understand, then we confuse the shit out of ourselves trying to understand or explain it to others who already understand until you start explaining it. Maybe we knew it all between lifetimes but we incarnate to forget, to learn, to have the experience of making sense of it all. But when we make sense of it all we make the ‘mistake’ of trying to explain it and confuse the shit out of each other and ourselves, making religions and political parties and such like, concepts. Then we think these concepts are ‘things’ to argue and fight over. Forgetting that they’re just ideas and so is the concept of each of us. Give it a few hundred years it’ll be far more obvious that and we’re all just ideas and the thought of us having hopes and dreams will be abstract concepts to some future philosophers if they haven’t all drowned under a polar ice-cap or if they’re not too worried about being locked up in a Tory Gulag to give a shit. I think too much. Sleep, there’s an idea…

I’m saying I started confusing myself but that’s what we all do all the time, not necessarily this time in particular. I mean we all philosophise but in truth we get it in silence. At birth.

Some would disagree. Some would say  t birth you are fused with the reality of duality.

hmmmmmmmmm… okay, we are getting into dogma and details (concepts held by concepts) some of which are unlikely to be verified cos we can’t remember birth and babies can’t talk so we can’t ask one. And we are getting into semantics, words and the definitions of words, which all mean different things to different people in different contexts, specifically enlightenment. In my experience enlightenment seems to happen in degrees and undefined levels, it is not a super-power or a lightswitch that comes on and stays on but a dimmer switch that that flicks on but then has to be maintained and can always get infinitely brighter as you reveal more about the nature of reality to yourself. I have definitely been in mental states where I was more aware more of the time than I am now, but I also have had experiences in which my capacity for understanding was suddenly wider. But to what extent I could or would call any of those realisations, or awakenings, enlightenment I’m not sure cos it just sounds arrogant and that I fear puts people off describing their awakenings. And that is where humans mess up with descriptions and definitions, we create dogmas and then fight over semantics before we’ve even defined the terms we’re fighting over. One person will say he’s enlightened, the other will say he’s not, and they both actually agree with each other but have different definitions of enlightenment and didn’t clarify that before they got their factions to to arm themselves (for example.) I think our greatest teachers are probably also ****d up, narcissistic, arrogant, deceitful and selfish, but they do not indulge in selfishness. My most selfless acts have selfish intent, my arrogant side is proud of my humility, my arrogant side masks my lack of self esteem, I’m ashamed of how proud I am of my proudest moments and I’m proud of how ashamed I am of my arrogance. There is no escaping shadow for the best and brightest of us. Yet and still Lao Tzu has pre-empted every word I could say – the Tao that can be described in words is not the true Tao. I give up x
The Tao that can be described in words is not the true Tao?
Yeah, but Lao Tzu was just a concept with concepts…

10 Years of Bristol (9 years a Druid and 7 years aware of Balanced View)

10 Years of Bristol, 9 years a Druid and 7 years aware of Balanced View. I have recently moved back to London. This has prompted lots of reflection recently. One decade that spanned across Saturn’s return.

ganesh turquoise purple

Screen Shot 2014-11-24 at 16.16.45

10 Years of Bristol, 10 years ago I left London and moved to Bristol. I had been getting depressed working temp jobs and after a summer of performing poetry at festivals that summer I decided I would move to either Brighton or Bristol and focus solely on performance. The I-Ching said “the South-West will be fortunate”. Decision made. It was fortunate.

9 years a Druid, 9 years ago I had been in Bristol for a year and on Spring Equinox 2006 I was knighted by the man who calls himself King Arthur (for the record, yes, I also call him King Arthur), and I was dubbed a Shield Knight and Bard. A Bard is a writer and performer who spreads knowledge and wisdom. A Shield Knight is a recognition of an original incarnation. I have remained a part-time Druid, but I tend to find special places to be on Solstices and Equinoxes and I do not believe it is a superstition, I believe it is a science.

Yeah, I blogged this way back in 2006, remember ‘Tribe’? Not the TV show, the blog page, but yeah, remember the TV show too? It was bang on it!)

EDIT – My journey to Druidry has since been reblogged on wordpress here –

7 years aware of Balanced View. Balanced View is a training in the nature of the mind. When I first encountered the Balanced View teaching I was in a confident place. I had been in Bristol for 3 years, I had successfully avoided and replaced the things that brought up my anxiety and depression, I had avoided my parents, I had avoided jobs that force me to socialise with people that didn’t share my opinions and by living with squatters, hippies, musicians, activists, political people and spiritual people I had surrounded myself with people who supported me and my ideals. Which has it’s positives, but these positives were temporary. I had changed my mind and changed my being, but not to the extent with which I could live with people I disagreed with or work with people I disagreed with without encountering anxiety and/or depression. When I first encountered the Balanced View teaching I rejected it, because I did not think that I needed it, and after curing my depression by avoiding and replacing I was highly suspicious of any organisation that offered help. I attended the very first Balanced View classes that were held in Bristol but I dropped out. Since then I have witnessed many friends get involved with Balanced View and most of them have increased in confidence, ability, are less held back by their perceived ‘weaknesses’ and are more fuelled by a knowledge of their strengths, gifts and talents. I have since attended more Balanced View trainings and they have been invaluable with learning more about myself and being content and productive with anxiety and depression. My initial reluctance is more complicated than just a misplaced confidence at the time, but the source of my resistance was complex and discussing them in public may hamper other people’s experience of it. I can simplify by saying that I felt that it did not have what I would call an authentic lineage but I was simply wrong, it does have what I would call an authentic lineage and they had good reason for not talking about it early in it’s development. I am not qualified to tell you what Balanced View teaches but what I can say is nothing has helped me deal with anxiety and depression quite as efficiently as Balanced View.

So. That’s that.

But no, no it isn’t. It doesn’t even mention the Tibetan monks, the Sufi chants, the Tasmanian Rainforest or the Canadian immigration cell (long story short – internet romance + no visa + honesty about financial situation = Canadian immigration cell.) It doesn’t mention meeting KRS-One in Stonehenge, it doesn’t mention meeting a Tibetan lama in a hostel in Barcelona, and it doesn’t explain how these experiences made me convinced that I had a ‘spiritual’ path but were inconclusive in giving that path a definition or an independent nature from any other kind of life. It’s all spiritual, we’re all spiritual, if you believe in spirit at all. It doesn’t explain how even these magical moments were also source of ego, pride and ultimately depression. It doesn’t explain how I lived with activists in a rainforest in Tasmania until the fear, the racism, the misplaced guilt for an activists suicide and an a realisation that I did not wish to impose my will on others, a realisation I could not express through fear of ostracisation led to both fear and depression yet again.  It doesn’t mention any of the people who helped make it special, Craig r Ninjah, Adam Place, Michael Stanton, Ben Tree, Daniel Waples, Dav, 12 Volt Joe, Louise Stewart Daisy, Danielle, Big Rick, Bouncing Tim (and that’s just a list of people who let me sleep on their couch, or in their van or caravan off the top of my head – Adam Place was actually the first person I lived with in Bristol and is now the proud inventor of the AlphaSphere – the best new digital instrument that you want.)
It doesn’t mention how Coed Hills became the place to spend solstices after Stonehenge and how a little-known stoney Longbarrow became home for a small tribe after that. It doesn’t mention how my values and the values of mainstream society have been worlds apart, I have found it hard to care about money but care alot about honour and love, yet even when I have lots of honour, love and respect I can sometimes let the way I believe society would perceive me affect my self esteem in a negative way. It mentions the depression but it doesn’t explain it. If I don’t make lots of money am I a failure? No. Well yes and no because there is no such thing as success, failure, honour, love or money, they exist only as abstract concepts. There is also no such thing as me, I’m another abstract concept. And the abstract concept that there are no real things, just abstract concepts, is one I started to grasp when I read the Tao Teh Ching aged twelve (the root of taoism which is the root of the Yin-Yang symbol), and one I experienced directly via shamanic techniques in 2006 but despite these realisations Balanced View was the training that provided a technique to see this perception for short moments many times. This perception has not yet become continuous.

What follows are various shades of things I have said about the past ten years since I moved back to London a month ago.

xxx xxxxx xxxxxxxx

Nov 9
I’ve been on a personal, emotional, psychological and spiritual journey for the past year particularly but my whole 10 year pilgrimage to Bristol, Glastonbury, Tasmania and beyond was all of the above really. I’m back in London putting my heart and head back together and studying to be a Steiner school kindergarten teacher now.

Nov 10
Loads has happened since then, I was working three different youth work jobs in Bristol but none of them full time enough to pay my bills and I started a part-time Steiner school course in London. My financial issues didn’t help my depression, my options became take any job offered or move out and I chose to move out in October so I am currently living with my mum (rent free) in London…

Nov 11 (13 days ago)
I often feel like I’m just one anxiety peaking difficult phonecall from completely giving up on this shit and dropping out of this corrupt and hypocritical ‘society’ again, but I should at least save a lil cash before I do that next time and I’d like to finish my Steiner school course too. But my inability to cope with little things like talking to banks or HMRC without getting emotional (or angry) makes me feel like I’m really not made for modern western society, which then makes me feel like a loser so then the depression kicks in cos I ain’t built for this shit and then it all starts to spiral. So, short moment. Everything’s perfect. Even the anxiety and depression. And keep it moving. There is no need to let my self esteem be affected by ability or willingness to participate in ‘the game’, but in reality I am able to do anything. Short moment. None of this matters. Give it a day or two and I’ll be jamming with lovely people (or myself) and have completely forgotten that a couple of phonecalls made me feel like this.

Nov 11
I spent half n hour on hold to the HMRC just trying to find out what the letters they’ve sent to my old house are about, expecting fines for not doing a tax return or responding to their letters or something. And in the end I just hung up cos I was sooo anxious waiting. I often feel like I’m just one anxiety peaking difficult phonecall from completely giving up on this shit and dropping out of this ‘society’ again like when I was squatting and living with activists, but I know I want to save more cash before I do that next time and I’d like to finish my Steiner school course too. But my anxiety with talking to banks or HMRC makes me feel like I’m really not made for modern western society at all sometimes, which then makes me feel like a loser who can’t cope with modern day life so then the depression kicks in and then it all starts to spiral. I got 9 quid in the bank and I’m planning to spend 5 of that on getting to Bristol this weekend lol My mum will probably lend me cash for travel and training but that doesn’t help my self esteem either. I know it’ll all change.

Nov 12
I have been living my dreams and thinking up new ones
I wanted to be famous rapper at first. I succeeded in becoming a semi-famous rapper and a semi-famous poet.
I always aimed to be respected by the festival scene and the squat scene, by spiritual people and by the grassroots people. and I achieved that. The Druids ask me to perform at Stonehenge on the Solstice and I have hosted dance stages at Glastonbury.
If I aimed for money instead of love and respect maybe I would have earned more money. But I got what I wanted – love and respect some days that is enough, some days my self esteem wants more. Now my new dream is to qualify as a Steiner school teacher so I can inspire the next generation AND earn enough to travel .
that was the VERY short version haha

(29 minutes ago)
I just had negative emotions associated with London cos I was a temp in offices suffering from depression 10 years ago before I moved to Bristol and became a rebel poet squatter suffering from delusions of grandeur and avoiding the appearances of depression and anxiety by surrounding myself with likeminded people. Now I’m back in London and I’ve found balance – I still suffer from depression and anxiety but I don’t avoid them by surrounding myself with likeminded people, I just outshine them by telling like minded people that I’m anxious and depressed and realise that it actually doesn’t matter. Kev’s past ten years in one easy paragraph (minus the druids, the anarchists, the broken hearts, the epic romances, spoiled goddesses, buddhism, taoism, sufism, balanced view and back to {freestyle} buddhism and an extremely long list of ridiculous coincidences.) :-p x

 knighted synchromystickz mike n ben

 bris fest 1

big treeninja kev

king craig n bard kev


Remember, Remember the 5th of November 2014 – Jedis, bankers, politicians and shadow work


Do not worry, by the end of this article I take responsibility for myself rather than pointing the finger at bankers and politicians, “the benefit of all” becomes the focus and priority. But it starts off angry, very angry. It was initially inspired by the revelation in England MPs are to escape expenses investigations after paperwork destroyed by Parliament and House of Commons authorities have destroyed all evidence of MPs expenses’ claims prior to 2010, meaning the end of official investigations into that scandal.

I was vex (that’s caribbean slang for vexated – angry. I was extremely vexated. But as I say, inspired by Jamie Catto lectures and Balanced View talks I eventually chill out and take responsibility for my own shadow. I hope it is an inspiring, thought provoking journey and I hope that I am sharing for the benefit of all…

Remember, Remember the 5th of November 2014 – Jedis, bankers, politicians and shadow work

Your rulers are criminals. Thieves and liars. But for some reason you won’t see them on Jeremy Kyle getting told off for spending tax payers money and the BNP won’t be marching chanting about get these MPs out of our country, they’re spending tax payers money. No, the media has told you that immigrants and benefits scroungers are to blame for the financial crisis while the bankers and politicians continue to rob and steal. MPs and bankers should be arrested. I’m not pointing the finger of blame, I’m just stating that if you were following the law to the letter then bankers and MPs should be arrested. I don’t like the blame game at all to be honest, but if yer gonna point fingers at least point them in a sane direction.

You know what, it is not the fact that our politicians lie to us that makes me vibrate with anger. It is the fact that people are so easily manipulated into blaming the wrong people. Like Jeremy Kyle and the Daily Mail have ignorant bigots ready to fight asylum seekers for costing us a few million to save their lives but you don’t see them ready to fight bankers for costing a several million. In bonuses. To buy more I dunno, yachts? Islands? Bentleys? What do bankers buy? Not freedom from oppression in war-torn countries, that’s for sure.
What would make me happy though? Guillotines? Revolution? Gun-powder plots? None of the above really, peace, love and unity would make me happy. A complete overhaul of the current political system would make me happy, an overhaul so financial concerns can no longer be made more important than human rights.
But that is going to take more than changing a political party or changing a few laws, that is going to take a paradigm shift where the benefit of all is the goal of everyone, where politicians are expected to care instead of expected to lie. Where everyone is asking “how can we help each other?” Perhaps I should focus on where we should be going, but if people do not realise how fucked up the current situation is they are never going to have the motivation to change it, so no, I am not going to stop showing people how twisted, backward, selfish and inherently evil our current system is, and how our politicians are financed by corporations which have no agenda other than profit. Then, perhaps, then we can move forward to a system where the agenda is actually the benefit of all. It may sound like hippy crap but essentially isn’t every Government supposed to serve it’s citizens, but in effect, no Government does. They serve central banks and the wars and non-renewable resources that finance them.

According to some my most powerful spiritual teachers all this negativity is of great benefit. Personally some of my best music has been recorded in passionate response to these appearances, honest expression of the emotions that these perceptions create. Maybe the awkward feeling in my lower back is the feeling of my kidneys secreting the hormones I need to deal with this. Maybe I just need a massage. I have a selfish side, I have a greedy side, I have a side that is scared that it won’t have enough. Perhaps I should have more  compassion for the selfish, greedy and scared  aspects of these bankers and politicians. I get more angry because my shame at this side made me over-compensate in the past, running from situations that would make me money, failing to ask or demand that I get paid well for my work, refusing to accept benefits when I was entitled to. I made sacrifices and I suffered so that people would not ever call me selfish, or greedy. I lived undesirable lifestyles with career activists. People called me brave but I was always scared. A radio DJ called me a ‘local Bristol legend’ on air on a day when I didn’t know whose couch I would sleep on. Legendary status is not necessarily the same as “rich and famous” apparently. I do not think I am better than other people, that’s impossible, my self-esteem  issues actually mean that some days I think I am worse even though that’s not possible either.  I do not think that I am ‘more spiritual’. I am just more interested (and/or obsessed) with spirituality and in the modern western world that is basically a hindrance more than a help.  This is something that I am sometimes bitter about. So these bankers and politicians have done a better job at securing a better financial future for themselves and their families? By being less afraid of being seen as greedy or being seen as selfish? I’m still afraid. I’m writing this now scared that I will be misunderstood, “everybody’s going to think this is my disclaimer for selling out”, ot “this is what Anakin says before he goes dark-side and slaughters the younglings isn’t it?” No, I am who I am, I’m not about to turn to the dark side. But I’m not about to run from it either. This is more Luke in the cave on Dagobah, you chop off the head of the Dark Lord and you see your own face. Perhaps we’d all learn more about each other if we learned more about ourselves.

Do not get me wrong. I would still like to smash things occasionally. But I have been in riots and it is in my character to want neither policemen nor the general public to get their heads kicked in. Sometimes I want the bankers and politicians to pay. But the way I want them to pay changes when I remember they are someone’s son or daughter and may be someone’s parent.  I want what I think deep down we all want, I want everybody to be happy.  It’s impossible, ups and downs are gonna happen. But with all the ups and downs that are inevitable it seems unnecessary that selfishness, greed and fear of lack should lead to more downs for some and more money for others.

I don’t think we necessarily have to change the hearts and minds of our politicians. I think we have to change the hearts and minds of our whole society, and inspire the next generation to change politics. But that does not mean to hand over all the responsibility. So perhaps we must all lead by example and change ourselves. And perhaps music is not such a waste of time just cos it’s not making much money, not if it’s changing hearts and minds.  Perhaps I’m not the failure I sometimes tell myself I am. Now I am looking my shadow in the face. Perhaps this is an exercise that should be done in private. Perhaps sharing is part of the process of changing hearts and minds. Perhaps sharing is part of the process of facing fear of judgment. Perhaps sharing is just my preference and I am indulging in my strengths, gifts and talents. Perhaps sharing is just indulging in my ego. NOW I am looking my shadow in the face. Am I? What else is hiding under there?

I used to rebel against the system, I used to rebel against my parents. Now I want to rebel against my own pre-conceptions of what it means, or meant, to be ‘me’.

So be it. Jedi. I wish to look my shadow in the eye and forgive it. Just this once, let me see you with my own eyes.

CLIMBING IN THE DARK 08/09/2014 (inspired by Rudolf Steiner, children, the BV community and Dead Poets Society)




Vibrating with inspiration, I guess I should write something,
Let the volcano explode and see whether ash or lava flows, erupting,
Crushing fear, no facing fear, admitting fear of judgment judging,
“Carpe Diem” – seize the day, walk your path without budging,
We are the source of it all, flowing out in all directions
Yet from all these directions we receive all these impressions,
Is this spirit, soul… or just hormones?
Would you have… a mother’s love for your clones?
What’s the difference between inspiration and data?
Does criticism… make you a hater?
What does solitude combined with silence reveal?
Are we afraid to find out? Will what we find out make us squeal?
Or rejoice? How does the company of silent trees heal?
Are they silent or do they have wisdom to deal?
Jimajama loves it when I go double time, kind words resonates for decades
Bring the hammer and the anvil, blacksmith / wordsmith, detonates
Explosion, implosion, black holes n reversal of time and space
Quantum physics, quantum lyrics. Univeres please let me rhyme with grace.
Pause… I get out of my own way.
Consensus reality, I can’t get my own way.
Will… Focus on my path and destination.
Both path and goal are love. 5D instant manifestation.
More freedom, via more abundance, via more self discipline.
Sacrifices made on altars, non physical, not grim.
No blood-letting, just forgetting stories that appeared
to hold me back, til I told me that there’s no need to get scared.
Like walking through Keele woods to get to Keele Service station.
It’s more about the path and not so much the destination.
But seems pointless if you don’t allow contemplation,
on the streams and flowers, that’s not hesitation but dedication.
Maybe even determination, like sitting down resolving
to dip your feet in the cold stream, and get to quantum problem solving
By letting go, just letting go, and feeling the spark of inspiration.
Where do the thoughts come from? No source, and no end destination.
The yin-yang symbol came and went with instant veneration,
Yet who knew of it’s significance? Inherent fascination.
D-Red said something bout many paths, yet each to reach one peak?
It’s peak, let’s peek at higher worlds yet cautious, look before you leap.
Some say we won’t find our boundaries until we push them.
Some say to put your shields up first. Some say that we should lose them.
Some say “lose yourself in the moment, you own it.” Some say time’s an illusion.
Some say short moments many times will end all this confusion.
I say I don’t know either, I’ve been seeker, sought and seeking.
But in my experience, just follow your heart if it’s leading.
You can’t put a price on art but artists also need feeding.
You can’t put a price on life but value yourself, keep your heart beating.
And if you try, I’ll try as well to practice what I’m preaching.
I’m just another climber in the dark, who knows the heights we’re reaching?

 dead-poets-societynas king empowerment

SATSANGARANG (featuring Craig R Ninjah)


Synchromystics in ya districts, collaborative poem starring Craig R Ninjah and KP Kev the Poet

Kev the Poet:- 
Guess whose back like Jack Baur? Never spit a rhyme that’s wack, now ya
…know why when I chat the crowd go BRRAP louder.
KP… redefining black power.
Aim the mic at ya, get charred to black powder?
Nah, turned into a multicoloured rainbow aura…
Strange though, could have been painful though I’d rather exalt ya,
Used to want ta Sergeant Slaughter body-slam a congressman for every starvin daughter
Figuratively speaking, no, I’m not startin on ya.
KP on a sick beat… is a shark in the water.
I hit the synchro-corner on a 6 speed quickly.
Cut down on sticky icky, used to twist me, now each short moment
resting busy…
…yeah I know ya missed me x

Craig R Ninjah:-
Pun’ a rewind flex like the ninja turtles,
thru no time and pure space we gonna hurtle,
Bustin some Ultimate warrior top rope neon jumping, bass thumping,
every moment relaxing and data crunching,
HYPE THE JAM, allowing the massive vibe to spread all across the lands,
cos we roll deeper than Poseidon, cos we got our eye on,
the treasure island of gold, that we all i and i on,
yes there captain vibes ahoy,
more beautiful than Helen o troy ,
yes ya know evertyime, its bombs of
open intelligence that we deploy,
with nothing to seek and nothin to destroy –
rocking the mic ever steady cos we the real McCoy –
crispier than fresh out the freezer raw chocolate,
better than the one Santa got,
hot off the synchro corner, yes ya know we rock the spot!

KP Kev the Poet:-
yes ya know we rock the spot, dub or hip-hop,
even junglists have been known to put out to the shock,
unintentional double meanings, the universe wanted that rhyme to get written,
resting busy with nothing to do and nowhere to go yet never quittin,
how can my shadow exist if I’m all light?
Even through anger or depression I’m alright,
learning to love my shadow, forgiving my selfishness
Invoking synchronicity, exalting my selflessness,
appreciating the ability to chill through the lessons.
Remembering sometimes the curses are blessings.
Exalting the past but living in the now,
you’d think it’s Game of Thrones the way there’s shifting power,

appreciating the naturally unfolding growing organically, easefully manifesting the magic of being peacefully

Still get anxious sometimes and write poems about it,
still feel like a God sometimes n write raps about it, to scream and shout it,
still got faith, but sometimes I doubt it,
still see with clarity, but sometimes it’s just clouded,
still love to rebel but ironically eventually learned quick
infinity ‘s only a moment away, and each moment confirms it.

Gratitude to Craig for the inspiration and constant outshining.

pimpin synchros blessed

Drag Link/Photos Here!

I like writing things. Terence Mckenna said “create your own media” and the internet allows us to do this. However when we create our own media through coporations we do not own, such as facebook, or even WordPress, we are playing their game by their rules and they can change those rules at any time.

I started writing a paper Newsletter / Zine under an alias just to get things off my chest. I stopped because it wasn’t exalted positivity but cathartic whinging for the most part I can see how it was beneficial for me to get the ideas off my chest but I’m not sure it was entirely beneficial for people to read. It had it’s benefits, it made some people laugh, and it may have satisfied other people just to know that people shared their perceptions. But if those perceptions were not making me happy all I was doing was reinforcing a belief that was not making me happy.

Anyway, I don’t know where to draw the line between self expression and reification, which means making something real out of something that is not real. For example we talk about our emotions as if they’re things that can control us or hurt us. But they are abstract concepts, they can only do what we think they can do. I’m not even sure if they can do that much.

Give me time, this will all make sense eventually 🙂 x