How Do We Wake Up





“How do we wake up?” My friend asked me this very open ended question. And I gave them a comprehensive answer eventually.

(This is a first draft and subsequent versions will have relevant links to books and videos on each subject.)

First, a bit of advice. I never listen to anyone who thinks they know what everyone should be doing, if they say “this is the only way” I tend to switch off. We are all unique with unique paths so I’m not telling anyone what to do, these are recommendations not demands. Do you.

I don’t want to be a guru. I have issues! Don’t we all? I was obsessed with enlightenment and thought about the subject extremely deeply for years but as I said I have issues, one of them is obsession and another is thinking too deeply! And my friend who asked me the following question certainly doesn’t want me to be their guru. But they asked me “how do we wake up?”

A simple question. But my answer was never going to be simple. It could have been, I could have answered “there is no you and there is no me, so there is no we to wake up”. It could have been “we are all already awake, there is nothing to do and nowhere to go.” But that’s not my style and a bit of a cop out. We can ignore the illusion of reality to give short answers that sound wise but meanwhile you’re still gonna wake up with the illusion of you, me, time and space and we all have to decide how to fill the illusion of time and space (if that’s what they are.)

So I answered as honestly as I could. First I bailed, cos I think too deep and immediately thought of several conflicting answers. Then I decided that was where to begin – there are different types of waking up and there are different ways to to achieve each. Here are a few I’ve discovered and obsessed over, to varying degrees. I obsessed so you don’t have to…


So different types of waking up – kundalini awakening. Political awareness awakening. Health food awakening. Energy awareness awakening. Fractal multidimensional nature of reality awakening.
All of these types of awakening affect each other, and assist each other.
(Although political awareness can temporarily slow down other types of awakening if it results in depression but I think it’s a necessary step in overall spiritual growth.)
I should add “Shadow work, emotional / psychological awakening” to the list too, it might be the most important one.

Kundalini awakening can be inspired by tantric sex, kundalini yoga and pranayama yoga. I can recommend a good book on the subject of kundalini tantra, a great video showing a kundalini pranayama technique and/or recommend making love with someone with tantric experiences. <Dry orgasms are relatively frequent for me, but I don’t attend tantra workshops and I’m not in ‘the scene’, find it all a bit creepy to be honest. But I know I shouldn’t judge, just prefer to read books, watch Mantak Chia lectures and practice in private. Growth for me in the non judgment area needed.>

[Best book on Kundalini Tabtra I’ve read –  ]

Political awareness awakening. This one’s hard cos there’s so much misinformation out there but eventually one should probably realise that most politicians are there for personal gain, most political decisions help the rich get richer and most wars are fought for profit and the reasons they give us are lies. It’s hard for me to view someone as a fully functioning human if they can’t see past the basic matrix of hypocrisy the politicians and mainstream media presents. I know reality is subjective, and it’s all perception (more on that later) and I know we shouldn’t judge. But one of my own areas to grow in is not judging people for believing politicians and newspapers. The lies have seemed so obvious for so long now it’s hard for me not to judge and get angry. I’m getting off the point.
<To what extent political awareness has anything to do with enlightenment in a broader sense is a debate you could have, but I’m inclined to agree with Michael Tsarion and Mark Passio, you cannot be compassionate and aware without sometimes experiencing righteous anger and all forms of government is a form of tyranny with an implied threat of violence>

[Tsarion on politics

Health food awakening. Pretty simple, you are what you eat. So natural and organic is ideal. But life is all about balance so I don’t judge processed food or meat eating, meat is natural and life is suffering but slaughterhouse’s cause unnecessary suffering.

Energy awareness awakening. This is on two levels, knowledge and experience. You can read about quantum physics and I have some good stuff to recommend on the subject. But I would honestly recommend playing with crystals in the bath <with or without shamanic assistance> and chi gung (also spelt Qi Gong which makes it difficult to search for sometimes). Chi gung is like a cross between Tai Chi and yoga and allows you to feel chi in and around your body. It’s basically circular movements and spiral movements with synchronized breathing. I live it and should do it every day but I am undisciplined. I’m working on that tho!

[Best chi gung vid I found online, starts with an explanation and then gives you a beautiful exercise to follow


Fractal multidimensional nature of reality awakening. Basically meditation on the nature of reality over time will deal with this one. And a good dose of Terrence Mckenna will deal with this one. I suspect a near death experience would too. I’ve had various glimpses of this breakdown of reality in various ways from Ayahuasca ceremonies to tantric sex dry orgasms. My clearest experience was via plant medicine but it might not have happened if I hadn’t had experiences of awakening in other ways before.

And finally – “Shadow work, emotional / psychological awakening”, as I say, it might be the most important one. This is a complex subject and although it relates to psychology it is in my opinion the most important spiritual work, and maybe the hardest and scariest. Someone can be a tantric master and an a-hole. Someone can be a vegan a-hole. Someone can be a yoga teaching a-hole. We can all be a-holes, I know I can. Shadow work and emotional growth is how to stop being an a-hole! 😂
It’s basically looking at your dark-side, your weaknesses, your fears which are generally rooted in self esteem issues and insecurities we’ve had since childhood. We usually hide these things behind a wall of either anxiety or bravado, either overtly express it with low self esteem and/or hide it behind a front of arrogance. Because when we see our insecurities and self esteem issues we find it hard to love ourselves. And when we hide from these things we defend it, defend the sadness with anger and have arguments with people we love so we don’t have to admit to ourselves how scared we are, scared that we might be lonely, scared that we might not be enough, scared that we might be judged negatively for our weaknesses and scared that those who are being judgmental might be right.
We stop being a-holes to ourselves and to others when we see these shadows, accept these shadows and LOVE OURSELVES ANYWAY. It’s like the EFT tapping techniques, “even though I am insert negative perception here I truly love and accept myself.”
For this work I would recommend Ayahuasca but at the risk of sounding like a normie or a Muggle conventional therapy helped alot, particularly hypnotherapy. And the work of Jamie Catto and Byron Katie. Again, each of these subjects I can recommend videos or books on. This last one I can recommend a Jamie Catto workshop or my hypnotherapist in Bristol, she’s awesome 😊
I have to add the Balanced View teaching, workshops and community to the list of positive influences on my awakening but the way it works cultivates a reliance on the community and the organisation that I am personally uncomfortable with and uncomfortable recommending. I say dip your toe in and use what works for you but some of my best friends are swimming in the deep end of it and seem fine ☺️

[Jamie Catto does workshops all over England, overseas and online in facing creative blocks, shadow work and relationships.

Just check out his website

[Byron Katie and The Work (get to the root causes of your suffering and stop believing the stories you may have told yourself, powerful stuff

One last thing! Perception and the fractal nature of reality. The paradox of all of this is that if the nature of reality is fractal there will always be more ways to awaken, there will always be another door to go through, each answer leads to more questions. So there is “nowhere to go and nothing to do” as Balanced View might say, we’re all already awake and all is already enlightened and illuminated by our awareness.
Okay, now I’m done.

With minor edits that’s almost exactly what I sent to my friend. I add for the sake of humility – I don’t meditate every day, I don’t do pranyama every day, I don’t eat strictly organic, and I don’t do Chi Gung every day. If I had as much discipline as I had obsession I would probably be happier, healthier and richer. But I don’t know if I’d be having as much fun.

Bliss plus joy equals now, be love x


Self Love and Acceptance – LYRICS

SoundCloud link!

The past is the past we ALL have SOME darkness on THAT shelf… I FULLY LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF.
Even though I may have done things I judged negatively in the past, I fully love and accept myself.
Even though I may have done things others judged in the past, I fully love and accept myself.
There is no I or separation between others and self,
Or between you and destiny of comfort, love and wealth
Even though I may have done things I judged negatively in the past, I fully love and accept myself.
We can visualize going back in time to send love to our inner child
wrapped in fine Linen, whether crying or grinning…
and giving them compassion, we’re willing
To look at my past perceived losses so we’re winning.
We visualised healing any wounds our inner child perceives
Retroactive healing for any unfulfilled needs.
Wishing on a star? Wish on yourself, that’s what you are.
Mother nature made ya perfect just the way you are.
Wishing on a star? Wish on yourself, that’s what you are.
Mother nature made ya perfect just the way you are.
The past is the past we ALL have SOME darkness on THAT shelf… I FULLY LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF.


The black ooze of stress and frustration you squeeze
and stretch out your shoulders is hiding a few of these

Precious gems and crystals. And when those shoulders are less tight They allow the wings to grow out in the precious rainbow light.

You are the best you that you can be.
But hold your inner child now, cos you’re family.

My inner child crying or growling,
A babe crying or a gremlin gnawing and gnashing.

Crying about not feeling heard, listened to or understood, not a word.

I almost forgot being cool was a facade
Always fragile and sensitive, never been hard.

Am I a loser? Am I a self abuser?
Am I failure? Are we all born to fail here?

If you think you are then you are…
So know you’re not, and know you’re hot.

It’s okay to feel guilty, sad, the lot.
Admit it to yourself and you’re bullet proof but shot.

You are the best you that you can be.
But hold your inner child now, cos you’re family.

The past is the past we ALL have SOME darkness on THAT shelf… I FULLY LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF.
Even though I may have done things I judged negatively in the past, I fully love and accept myself.
Even though I may have done things others judged in the past, I fully love and accept myself.

Bluebells, Angels, Soundsystems and Mic Cords

She said “most little girls won’t look for a prince, so they won’t find him,
they’re looking for a villain and hope to find a prince inside him,

most grown women learn better and some wise girls know from the start”,
But I don’t play the game of faking villain, life ain’t a game, it’s art.

They don’t wanna hear how I’m like Jesus or Buddha cos I failed,
they wanna hear how I tried but in comparison I paled,

paled like the white depiction of Christ, sometimes I was cold as ice,
aimed for bodhisattva-like compassion, I’m just not that nice.

They don’t wanna hear how I tried to forgive acting like it’s all bless,
like Jesus forgave the men who put the spear in his chest.

They wanna hear the truth, we’re friends now, I wish her the best
but if I think about it now I overstand better but it still gets me vex.

The old man on his bike in the graveyard smiles like there’s a secret we share,
Like we’re two of a chosen few who knew… we’re not really there.

I’m like a bluebell on a grave, like an angel in a rave, you can help me here.
Sometimes I care so much it looks like I don’t really care.


Sometimes, sure, I’m bored like retired Timelords wondering why your
Average human being even bothers to rhyme for.

While your magical tools like your soundsystems and mic cords
Transport my thoughts to your heart to make you say BRRAP! Or “I’m floored.”

Bluebells on graves… angels in raves,

Letting go for forgiveness, happy to live blessed.

While your magical tools like your soundsystems and mic cords
Transport my thoughts to your heart to make you say BRRAP! Or “I’m floored.”


Romance… was there a generation of women who lost interest in Romance? (Or is that just a subjective experience?)

I have a series of prose called Romance is not Dead with subtitles like ‘part 2, it’s Been Kept Alive by Oversensitive Men‘ (seriously lol). I generally wrote them when I was unlucky in love, my mid twenties (although I was unluckier in my teens and that is what fuelled most of those thoughts.) I have been receiving more interest in my 30s and I have more clarity now than I did then. So I thought I would investigate that theme again, because although I have been luckier in my my 30s it does not change the reality of those bitter experiences. 


Is there a generation of women who lost interest in Romance? Was I looking in the wrong places Or in the wrong age range? Some might say it is foolish to believe in love and romance, it is foolish to believe in magic and destiny and it is foolish to value anything more than sex and money. But even if I try to ignore my spirit and chase after sex and money it crushes my soul and circumstance forces me to admit that does not make me happy, what I want is to be emotionally and creatively fulfilled and that has little to do with sex unless there is love there, not necessarily a relationship but mutual affection and respect, whether it’s an open relationship, a one night stand or a one night cuddle. It has nothing to do with money but everything to do with being creative and feeling like my vocation will make someone’s life better whether it’s art, teaching or healing. Having said all that I do like sex alot and I love the freedom that having money provides. I just have different priorities and when society or mainstream media pushes it’s shallow priorities on me I can feel crushed or worthless if I am not complying. Regardless, I can only be me.

Women older than me believe in love, women younger than me believe in love but I had my heart broken by alot of women who just wanted open relationships or no relationship at all. So when the stereotype of “men only want sex” comes up for me it really gets on my nerves. I am literally unable to listen to any advice anyone has for me unless they have half an hour to digest what I have been through, how many sacrifices I have made, and how often it’s been thrown in my face before I get gender specific social norms thrown at me or cliches. The short answer is; I have been in a Canadian immigration cell for 3 days for a ‘long distance relationship’ (she was cool, we’re still friends – I take full responsibility for not sorting out my visa, she’s a married mum now), I have been cheated on after being as close to the “perfect boyfriend” as I could imagine (I tried to forgive her for months but she still acts like I had no right to be offended or hurt but to her credit she always said she wasn’t ready for a relationship, and she was right – we’re not still friends although I tried), I have been in an open relationship with someone who wasn’t ready to have sex with me for months and then went and had a threesome in another country (we’re still friends, it hurt but the reality is I knew I was in an open relationship and there was no predicting how or when she would be ready for sex again, miraculously we’re still friends but it hurt) – and these were all different stories with different women. If I dare say so myself, I have been pretty darn forgiving.

One of my self esteem issues is that my priorities are completely different from that of most of modern western civilisation. In fact my priorities are completely different to those of western civilisation’s in general and when I have enough self belief it doesn’t matter and when I don’t have enough self belief I feel like a loser. If I were to learn from my past to avoid pain I would not care about love I would care about money, I would treat em mean to keep em keen as that seems to work for other guys and being nice seems to mean I can be disrespected and I would lie and cheat my way through life cos that seems to be profitable for other people. But I couldn’t do any of that if I tried. My priorities have always been love and honour and that usually leaves me penniless and heartbroken. But it also filters out the shallow golddiggers, most of the women who have been with me have been magical. Cos a shallow golddigger isn’t going to be attracted to penniless poet.

When I was younger that was more of an issue. I did want more sex and lamented that more women were not attracted to a genuine man who doesn’t earn much but was loyal and honest. But now I know quality is far better than quantity. It’s not sexist rant about shallow women, although years ago it might have been, most people of both genders are shallow in general. Not at their core, we’re all perfect and we all have infinite depth but most people are programmed to indulge in the desires the television has told them to have. Sad but in my experience true (but hopefully changing). Mainstream society has brainwashed the mainstream, painful as it is to accept most people do not think for themselves.

It’s funny though, I find most women I meet (not all) in their late 30s and 40s, they want someone to settle with, they value honour and honesty but they also value money. But alot of women in their mid to early 30s don’t want a relationship at all, they just want to fool around. They’re still hurting from past relationships and in denial of their emotions. Their careers won’t cheat on them, and it doesn’t matter if a one night stand or an open relationship sleeps with anyone else. Whereas women in their 20s seem to be more open to the idea of romance. Maybe they were programmed by different cultural media, Sex and the City didn’t get them but Twilight did lol But they’re also the Kardashian generation, and the Made in Chelsea generation so some of them just want to sleep with the richest guy they can. I guess there will always be shallow people of both genders and mainstream media will always try to sell them a lifestyle.

These are massive generalisations that could be seen as sexism or agism if taken out of context. Nobody is that simple really. and these observations are based on my direct experiences. I guess I meet transient people who are not looking for relationships at squat parties and festivals. Whereas of the 17 women on my Steiner-school / Waldorf-school teacher training course most are in relationships and some of them are married or engaged and they are in a broad age range from mid twenties to early 50s. This is a different ‘demographic’ they are all women who have committed to a career in child care (reception age / kindergarten age teaching) and they nearly all reassuringly believe in romance. Maybe I wasn’t looking in the wrong age range, maybe I was looking in the wrong places. I mean when I was younger I would go to pubs and clubs and not find like-minded women. Then I would go to hippy festivals and squat parties and find like-minded women who didn’t want to settle down. I’m not saying I find them on my course either – like I said most of them are taken, and I like to think I’m a nice guy, not a home wrecker – but as I get older I don’t just refine my search, I refine myself. I don’t go to shallow places to meet shallow people anymore.

I had NO luck in my teens, I used to hear “he’s too nice” or “you’re like a brother to me” not that I’m one of those guys that thinks that being nice to someone earns you a right to sex lol but it did seem like a deterrent when I was younger! This isn’t about hating being in ‘the friendzone’ either. I have friendzoned myself when I realised how crazy some of my attractive female friends were. I am not trying to pressure women into sex either, I have a sex drive but I’m too proud for that. I have slept platonically next to several women, some of them I was in relationships with, and not pushed sex on them. Conversely one ex girlfriend told me she wished I was more aggressive in the bedroom. My mum always said to me when I was younger that “young women want excitement that’s why they want bad boys but as you get older they’ll appreciate you more”, but when you’re 16, when you’re 20 – you don’t wanna hear that sh**! But to my surprise I’ve had way more interest in my 30s than I did in my 20s and in my teens. Maybe I shouldn’t question it and I should just give thanks. I give thanks, gratitude to the universe and gratitude to the Goddess!

Existence does not have to be suffering or boredom or fake all the time. Some people ‘get it’. Regardless of gender, or age, some people get it. I am inclined to believe that on a deeper level we ALL get it, that we all want love and to feel creatively and emotionally fulfilled, but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe some people just want sex and money and you know what – that’s alright, we don’t have to want the same things. Be yourself, increasingly those who ‘get it’ consciously, those who want deeper connection will find each other.


ps If you’re going to comment, please, try to be honest with yourselves first so you can be honest with me. Thank you x