The sooner we can accept that we can want two contradictory things at the same time the saner and happier we’ll be. People with no morals have less cognitive dysfunction in this area because, I assume, they rarely worry about wanting things that they shouldn’t. But nice people, we’re often in denial.
Like real musicians and healers in denial of wanting money, hippies who like martial arts in denial that some part of them likes violence etc. etc. These are all things I identify with to some agree, I’m not pointing fingers.
Yes, I did put myself in the “nice person” category, I respect humility so part of me is in denial of my high opinion of myself, and everyone respects confidence so paradoxically part of me is in denial of aspects of low self esteem. Rather than having one or the other both states, humility, arrogance, low esteem and confidence all compete for supremacy depending on the moment. And yes I am aware that on some level we’re all nice people. But on another level some of you are selfish and mean cos that’s what experience has taught you to be. I don’t think many people in my friendlist are like that.
To a certain extent we are all accidental hypocrites, our subconscious mind has needs and desires that our conscious mind would rather not admit to itself let alone other people.