Enlightenment, conflicting desires and emotional growth

We all have conflicting desires. We all sometimes have desires or emotions that may go against our core beliefs or highest held ideals. We’re all hypocrites. At least in thought, if not in action. The sooner we accept that about ourselves and each other the sooner we can evolve as individuals and therefore as a collective.
Enlightenment is a red herring, a fake out, a wild goose to chase down a hierarchical, path that paradoxically requires you to see there is no better or worse to be better than you were. At least my perception of the general misunderstanding of the the terms enlightenment. The real work happens every day after the enlightening experiences, when you want to remember nothing matters in a universe of infinite fractals but this person right now is costing you time or money or patience. It’s emotional work, it’s learning to forgive yourself and others within this highly convincing illusion.
But we are restricted, because what I am speaking of regarding the words “enlightening” and “enlightenment” are quite different from how the words may have originally been intended by those translating Buddhist texts. I will not attempt to define “nirvana”.
But enlightenment. I can discuss some contrasting interpretations.
Whether that is an enlightened state where you understand something of the fundamental nature of reality or a state of inner peace where duality and negativity no longer register – it’s not a final destination.
The word is loaded so I replace it with a phrase – inner peace.
I would never describe myself as enlightened, far from it, I am plagued by unanswerable questions of an inquisitive mind, over-sensitivity to most of western modern culture and insecurities related to all of the above, but I have had both moments of clarity where the fractal nature of reality was made clear. And I have had periods of inner peace. They have both been followed by periods of confusion, depression or anger later down the line.
But both study and experience have reminded me of the zen phrase – “before enlightenment, chop wood and fetch water. After enlightenment, chop wood and fetch water.”
Do the work. The real work is seeing the dark things your mind does sometimes and wants sometimes and loving yourself anyway. The real work is feeling those desires but listening to your heart. And that doesn’t happen in a flash of enlightenment in a tipi or on a mountain, it takes practice. It takes facing situations that could piss you off and maintaining inner peace. It’s a process, not a destination.
I’m still learning ways in which I am and have been a hypocrite. And I’m still learning ways to love myself despite them.
Love yourself.


Near Death Experience Research bars? #NDE

Near Death Experience

Dr Jeffrey Long conducted the largest study ever
on near death experiences, I love the endeavour,
that’s right, near death experience study,
Sounds like it could be the weirdest thing to investigate buddy,
A study of near death experiences? But we make sense if
we investigate it if many experience this.
If you think he’s a woo woo psuedoscientist?
WRONG. DOCTOR Jeffrey Long’s a radiation oncologist.
He’s a scientist and medical doctor with
Years of experience in medical science. He’s on the list
With Lynn McTaggart and Bruce Lipton,
So of your own ignorance you won’t be a victim
He’s on the board of the international association

for near death studies that spans every nation
and started the non profit organisation – The Near Death Experience Research Foundation.
I repeat – he conducted the largest study ever in
on near death experiences, and I love the endeavour,
Over thirteen hundred people in the first ten years
answered over a hundred questions in his detailed questionnaires.
All people who died, heart stopped, brain stopped, yet recovered. Wonder what they discovered, what the study uncovered?
Well he’s convinced an afterlife exists,
What some call soul, at the least consciousness or awareness persists.
Indeed perception on the other side is heightened. A blind

person had sight they didn’t have in life and was initially frightened.
Near death experiences are generally consistent all over the globe,
Regardless of culture, religion, or dogmatic code.
Out of body sights verified by those present when they died,
They couldn’t see with closed unconscious eyes, proving they ain’t lied.
Some were under general anesthesia, when conscious experience
should be impossible, read the stories they’re intense.
God is light and love beyond description, and doesn’t judge
life but you may judge yourself in a life-review
Experiencing your effects on others from their point of view.
So now you know what you might expect what are you going to do?



You may appreciate this message I received from Dr Long almost as much as I did (I sent the poem above to him) –
Wow! Thanks! That is an excellent and remarkable rap / poem! Please feel free to quote a paragraph from Evidence of the Afterlife. Your rap / poem is great! Go for it and thanks again!

Kindest regards,


Happy Kevin 😁





More 0pen with Less Judgment

This… this has been brewing…

There, but for a lack of education in the nature of the mind, go I. We are not taught to love ourselves, in fact we are assaulted every day by advertising that preys on our insecurities. We are not even taught how to breathe properly (unless you have a yoga teacher or chi gung teacher in infancy). We are not taught how to love each other, indeed I suspect that the so-called elite are taught from a young age to have contempt for what they consider to be the lower classes (in fact we’re taught to perceive class and then taught to hate and compete with other classes rather being taught to see individuals with no defined separation). And I cannot expect everyone to be inclined to think outside the box for fear of being ostracised. So how can I blame anyone for anything?

I started 2015 with a very neutral viewpoint. After focussing on creativity and being motivated by politics for many years – pro-peace and pro-sustainable (read anti-war and anti-capitalist if you’re still running those operating systems.) This severely limited the jobs I would work in, the ways I would live and even the people I would hang out with. Certain political points of view would anger me, and I couldn’t work with people who would anger me. Then 2014 depression came and by 2015 I was numb, almost as a subconscious act of self preservation I became numb in the awareness of the alternative I can experience as extreme empathy, it hurts. I no longer had well defined political opinions or a moral stance, every question on the subject was met with – “it’s complicated”, or “I don’t wanna talk about it”. I didn’t want to be restricted anymore, but I wasn’t sure where I was willing to compromise, where I might feel I was selling out and where I might feel I was merely growing up.

I’m still not entirely sure. I am more open now. But some lines are being re-drawn (just in pencil instead of pen this time).

Somewhere mid-2015 I became less numb. Refugees. War. Racism created by fear promoted by a sensationalist media. What I perceived to be avoidable refugees running from avoidable wars for resources we shouldn’t even be using anymore because oil is unsustainable and there are lots of sustainable solutions that would cost the oil companies a fraction of their profits to implement. Why does this not happen? Because those are fractions of billions, and a corporation’s only responsibility is to make profit for the shareholders.

So… People are dying every day due to our tax money funding unnecessary wars. At one point in my life I was so emotionally and ideologically opposed to being any part of that I dropped out of society – no rent, no council tax, no bills, no JSA, no address – nada. Those lines got rubbed out and re-drawn a few times since then. I still think it’s a valid stance, but it’s not one that serves me now, not when I can see how much good I can do with money and a stable home. (And quite frankly I was sick of being cold and feeling unappreciated.)

So I had a few powerful conversations in 2015 that helped me see a new goal. Kanada of Embercombe in particular reignited a fire in me that I had allowed to dim. When I attended a talk she did as part of the talk she recited a Hopi prophecy I had heard many times before – it had inspired alot of my closest friends – but the passion and the context and the synchronicity of it in that moment made me cry and made me care again. Numbness be gone. I was strong enough for empathy again. It made me celebrate the tribe I had found when I “let go of the sides” in the rapid flow of change. It made me grateful that I had gone an unconventional route and that I had prioritised my principles, that I knew where to find spring water, that I was living where I was living at least for now, harnessing the right relationships, that I was doing things that fulfilled me creatively as they would later fulfill me financially. Some of those principles had fallen a a little by the way-side but it was enough to make me feel, yeah, I’m proud of who I am, what I do and why I do it. But if I didn’t allow mainstream society to fill me with doubt, if I didn’t allow anxiety to hold me back I could do so much more. I have big ideas. It made me cry. Tears of guilt and tears of pride, conflicting powerful emotions.

I have recently had a conversation over New Years Eve that re-clarified my political perceptions. I don’t have political ‘beliefs’ anymore, I have perceptions. Beliefs appear fixed, perceptions imply that your view is just one angle that is subject to change. I can’t blame the politicians or corporations if they have been taught since childhood by everything around them that profit is the most important thing. I will be the change, I will continue to show people that other things, intangible things; like emotions, love, respect, legendary status, hugs and good memories are important too. But I will make more profit than I did in the past so those people who only respect money will respect my opinion. And so I have the freedom and power to make positive changes in my life and others.

So… 2016. I’m gonna be more open. I’m not going to be afraid of socialising with people richer than me. They’ll finance my ingenious ideas. That’s right, I said it. I’m not gonna worry about my old activist friends judging me for wearing a suit. I look damn good in a suit. I’m not gonna be afraid of asking to get paid for what I do. I’ve done gigs for free when I had no money and lived in a warehouse with no central heating. I have nothing to prove to anybody. And if I’m ver afraid, or if I ever worry I’m not gonna judge myself for worrying. Social awkwardness happens to all of us, and bravery is not lack of fear it’s acting despite it. I’ll try to be brave.

More open, less judgment.

I will try not to judge and I will try not to blame because most of us lack an education in the nature of the mind and in the nature of reality. But I will merely try to be the change I want to see.

I AM the change I want to see. And we are the one’s we’ve been waiting for. Why would it be anyone else?

{I will also try to write things like this during the day instead of 5 in the morning so I can sleep at night and walk my talk during the day!}


Screen Shot 2016-01-02 at 20.57.08

{I will also try to write things like this during the day instead of 5 in the morning so I can sleep at night and walk my talk in the day!}


Globally Synchronized Meditations

We shall meditate on the concept “inner peace leads to outer peace” with the intention of world peace.

Every Sunday at 11:11am, 5pm and 8pm UK (BST time).
Every week-day Mon – Fri at 8pm.


The research on the power of group intention is extensive, the research on the personal health benefits of meditation is also extensive. This appears to be one of the most positive things we can do for ourselves and each other.

This is the link to the facebook group to keep you updated on this group and also other group meditations –

Please join this group to stay informed – https://www.facebook.com/groups/1639847222934338/

This is the link to the facebook event, although the event officially starts 11.11am GMT / UTC on Sunday, we started this Sunday gone and we will also be meditating together round the world every weekday at 8pm and every Sunday at 11.11am, 5pm, and 8pm




THE WEB OF LIGHT, Paris, Syria and the Middle East

I was more recently  inspired by a talk with an elder on Sunday to visualise a net of light created by all the lightworkers and lightplayers, and sending this light to particularly troubled spots. She suggested the Middle East, which has been in conflict for a long time due to what some might call the misuse of religion (not going into detail here.) However I would like to add both Paris and Syria to the list of places we can direct love and light to.

Do not be afraid of our shadows, do not be in denial of shadows, but focus on the love and light.

Inhale energy into the belly, inhale love into our chests and hearts – exhale gratitude.


PADMASAMBHAVA, the Buddha of Tibet


Padmasabhava is generally credited with bringing Buddhism to Tibet.

Last night, just before bed there was a moment I kept hearing “Padmasambhava” repeating like a mantra. I didn’t think much of it until I saw this pic got posted today. And I STILL didn’t think that much of it until a friend I saw last night (Craig R Ninjah) said he too had the same name, the same mantra, just before bed. Synchronous. Deep. Auspicious. Just a story?

“Padmasambhava was a historical teacher who is said to have finally converted Tibet to Buddhism. He was a renowned scholar, meditator, and magician, and his mantra suggests his rich and diverse nature.”
From wildmind.org/mantras/figures/padmasambhava

“Although there was a historical Padmasambhava, nothing is known of him apart from helping the construction of the first Buddhist monastery in Tibet at Samye, at the behest of Trisong Detsen,[1] and shortly thereafter leaving Tibet due to court intrigues.[2]

A number of legends have grown around Padmasambhava’s life and deeds, and he is widely venerated as a ‘second Buddha’ across Tibet, Nepal, Bhutan, and the Himalayan states of India.”
From Wikipedia.

I had heard the name before. Tibetan Buddhism, specifically Dzogchen, is my fave form. The first book I read on the subject properly was The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche. Also Craig has this card with an image of Padmasambhava attaining the Rainbow Body and it was at the centre of an altar during a ceremony we had at the start of Autumn. Seems like we tuned right into his vibration then and now that I’m promoting synchronised meditations and training in the nature of the mind (balanced view) he’s tuning into us again, perhaps to assist us, perhaps just to encourage us that we’re on the right path, perhaps both, perhaps it’s just my imagination.




Please join this group to stay informed – https://www.facebook.com/groups/1639847222934338/

kevin panton, “kevin panton”, “kevin”, “panton”, “kev panton”, “kevin panton”

part 1 The Mother Nature Matrix of Magic (universal consciousness)

An Introduction to a growing idea…
There are times to work and times to rest, like seasons, either are fine and neither are to be judged as wrong or right – they just are.
Our existence is validatation enough, nature wanted us here now, reality itself wanted us here now, the mother nature matrix wanted us all here now, all that we do is an expression of the magic of the universe.
There are 7 billion equal people with different opinions. It avoids seeing that I am as important as any of the people I am trying to please. Constantly living life to please other people will lead to constantly feeling sad that I have let people down. If you are living life to please the right person then living life to please yourself will attract the right people into your life.

I am just a concept with concepts…

I am just a concept with concepts…

The end. Full stop. Period.

Yeah, right. If only. Monkey minds gotta keep philosophising, right? Or why else did we incarnate? Gotta find something to do between now and death, right? Trust me, the desire to feed or f*** will give you plenty to do between now and death without trying…

If I deconceptualise myself, will I vanish?

I dunno, it gets all Matrixy if I’m a figment of my own imagination am I also a figment of your imagination. I think maybe we all have to deconceptualise me cos if I deconceptualise on my own I’ll just get sectioned. It’s a theory.

Does a stone have consciousness? Is a rock aware?

I BELIEVE some quantum physicists, or at least some quantum theorists, would also say that a stone has consciousness. But then we have to start defining things like consciousness. Which one might define as awareness of self, others might say that it is merely awareness. Others might say that’s all too much thinking and misses the point of a statement as simple as “I’m just a concept with concepts”. But that seems to be a microcosm of the macrocosm of incarnating at all. We all understand, then we confuse the shit out of ourselves trying to understand or explain it to others who already understand until you start explaining it. Maybe we knew it all between lifetimes but we incarnate to forget, to learn, to have the experience of making sense of it all. But when we make sense of it all we make the ‘mistake’ of trying to explain it and confuse the shit out of each other and ourselves, making religions and political parties and such like, concepts. Then we think these concepts are ‘things’ to argue and fight over. Forgetting that they’re just ideas and so is the concept of each of us. Give it a few hundred years it’ll be far more obvious that and we’re all just ideas and the thought of us having hopes and dreams will be abstract concepts to some future philosophers if they haven’t all drowned under a polar ice-cap or if they’re not too worried about being locked up in a Tory Gulag to give a shit. I think too much. Sleep, there’s an idea…

I’m saying I started confusing myself but that’s what we all do all the time, not necessarily this time in particular. I mean we all philosophise but in truth we get it in silence. At birth.

Some would disagree. Some would say  t birth you are fused with the reality of duality.

hmmmmmmmmm… okay, we are getting into dogma and details (concepts held by concepts) some of which are unlikely to be verified cos we can’t remember birth and babies can’t talk so we can’t ask one. And we are getting into semantics, words and the definitions of words, which all mean different things to different people in different contexts, specifically enlightenment. In my experience enlightenment seems to happen in degrees and undefined levels, it is not a super-power or a lightswitch that comes on and stays on but a dimmer switch that that flicks on but then has to be maintained and can always get infinitely brighter as you reveal more about the nature of reality to yourself. I have definitely been in mental states where I was more aware more of the time than I am now, but I also have had experiences in which my capacity for understanding was suddenly wider. But to what extent I could or would call any of those realisations, or awakenings, enlightenment I’m not sure cos it just sounds arrogant and that I fear puts people off describing their awakenings. And that is where humans mess up with descriptions and definitions, we create dogmas and then fight over semantics before we’ve even defined the terms we’re fighting over. One person will say he’s enlightened, the other will say he’s not, and they both actually agree with each other but have different definitions of enlightenment and didn’t clarify that before they got their factions to to arm themselves (for example.) I think our greatest teachers are probably also ****d up, narcissistic, arrogant, deceitful and selfish, but they do not indulge in selfishness. My most selfless acts have selfish intent, my arrogant side is proud of my humility, my arrogant side masks my lack of self esteem, I’m ashamed of how proud I am of my proudest moments and I’m proud of how ashamed I am of my arrogance. There is no escaping shadow for the best and brightest of us. Yet and still Lao Tzu has pre-empted every word I could say – the Tao that can be described in words is not the true Tao. I give up x
The Tao that can be described in words is not the true Tao?
Yeah, but Lao Tzu was just a concept with concepts…