The Jobcentre meets Dune and Tolkien’s Middle-Earth

My friend told me he was walking to the job centre. Then he forgot he told me and wondered how I knew he was walking back through the rain. The following was my response (via 3 text messages.) Inspired by Tolkien and Dune…
___

I have eyes everywhere. The crows tell me everything.

Each footstep is like an earthquake to my trained ear. Each blade of grass a felled tree to my keen eyes. Your scent is like a place-marker for where you’ve been and where you’re going. The spirits whisper to me and tell me of men who cross bridges they never see over rivers that dried millennia ago. You walk on the graves of brave ancestors and forget to smell the roses that grow roots in the rotting bodies of men who fought to protect you from your current enslavement. The mud is a conduit to the old world, the rain beats it like goat skin on a drum. Listen. So sayeth the K Pizzle.
I am the worm rider. I am one with the spice. The Celts and the Africans sing songs to my soul through my DNA. The bees tell me where to find pollen, the butterflies tell me where to find love. The worms eat my enemies and deliver me to salvation. And you told me you were walking to the job centre :-p

 

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The World WILL Know My Name (I’m Amazing)

Some more audacious, obnoxious, “I’m not depressed anymore” bars… 

THE WORLD WILL KNOW MY NAAAME! Oh him?
Visualising success, abundance flowin’, Balance growin’,

Enjoying the quantum flow, I feel like a million bucks,
enjoying the power of saying “no thankyou” to the average crutch,

even though I love sex, I love the power of saying no and,
Visualising success, abundance flowin’, Balance growin’,

Enjoying the quantum flow, I’m feeling successful,
enjoying the power of saying “no” to a million crutches. Yes? Cool.

not slut shaming, judging, or blaming, if the shoe fits be proud, claiming,
They don’t want emotional guys for one night stands – I rarely found my way in.

Now it’s my turn to be picky, ‘Pinky and the Brain’ing, taking
over the world. The world will know my name – cos I’m amazing!

We’re ALL amazing, but like Kitty Pride we’re phasing
in a new era. N like lion prides I’m hunting while you’re grazing.

Doctor Strange flow-er, Stormtrooper with flamethrower – I’m saying…
Flamethrower – cos I’m straight slaying while I’m flaming.

Photo on 31-12-2015 at 17.16

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Kev vs the Kardashians (again) and Game of Thrones?

Here’s the short version – I am not fond of the Kardashians. Game of Thrones is not so clean cut, I used to love Game of Thrones but I got bored of watching my favourite characters die and/or watching children burn to death.

But allow me to elaborate…

Hmmm… I wouldn’t have to lose all my facebook posts and change my personal profile into a “public figure” page (just cos I’ve run out of space for new friends) if I could enforce this rule. Delete me if you watch “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” or write me an essay entitled “Why I watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians”.

I’m judgmental. I’m working on it. We all have shadows.

I posted that on my facebook page. 3 people deleted me. Nobody sent me an essay yet (boohoo, now I only have 4997 “friends”. Surely none of my real friends watch that. I would hope any of my real friends would rather write me an essay.)

Kim Kardashian had the most popular instagram post, her wedding photo with Kanye, until it was topped by a photo of her sister Kylie Jenner. I found that out by accident. I thought the most popular instagram photo would be a mountain or a sunset or something. I had way too much faith in humanity.

Why do I prefer mountains to Kardashians? Allow me to elaborate (I’ll keep it simple…)

Kim Kardashian got famous for a sex tape then a talentless reality tv show. It seems trivial but the fact is that her fame teaches our daughters that having sex with a celebrity is a viable road to success. Currently that’s true, that’s just a (sad?) fact. The fact that she’s more famous than talented musicians or activists who risk life and limb to save the planet means I have less sympathy for humans in general and the ice caps we’re drowning our children in. Learn to swim.

Kardashians down, Game of Thrones to go.

I lost three “friends” since my judgmental post about The Kardashians. I guess they didn’t want to write an essay justifying their television choices. The Kardashians are just trying to be of benefit, specifically for their families. In their position I would probably do the same for the financial stability of my family. But I probably wouldn’t find myself in the position to have sex with Ray Jay on camera or marry Kanye West. I just think it’s of greatest benefit not to legitamise the idea that filming sex with celebrities is a valid form of “success”. When the Greenpeace activists that got arrested for boarding an oil tanker get the same love and respect I’ll chill out.
Meanwhile if saying “outrageous” (haha) things is gonna free up some friend space I’m gonna continue ranting (cos I’m not writing my essay now and I have nothing better to do than rant on facebook, it amuses me.

So, in true Lout Zoo mode, it’s F the BS season. I loved Game of Thrones. It was well written and full of beautiful people getting naked. But it was brutal. The first episode I watched I saw some kid get molten gold poured on their head. So I didn’t watch again for months until enough people said to me “WHAT? Kev you’d LOVE it!” They were right. I watched 3 seasons in one week, it was brilliantly written and addictive. Until my favourite character got his head squished (spoiler alert-Ish – that was two seasons ago) and I very nearly gave up then. But I soldiered on. The latest series I managed to just not start until (SPOILER ALERT!) I heard on the grapevine that there was finally some fully grown dragon riding agwan. Then I had to start watching again. Lo and behold the first episode I watched when I came back to it I saw a little girl get burned to death. Great. They didn’t just imply that this happened off screen. You saw them light the fire and you heard her scream.

Television is generally $#!t. These archons will fill your head with demonic images and call it entertainment.

I am never watching Game of Thrones again. And now that my other favourite character is dead there is little pulling me back that way apart from the little guy and the mother of dragons, both of whom I expect to die horribly eventually while characters like “I like to skin and torture people” Ramsay run around impervious to karma. Good guys die, bad guys win. It’s so realistic. And that’s the problem. I watch fiction to forget that life sucks and bad guys get rich while good people suffer.

Oh, but there’s that duality consciousness again. It’s MY definition of bad and it’s MY definition of good. But I think skinning people is bad and risking your life to save people is good. It’s just a point of view.

So, no, I will not watch Game of Thrones with you. He says. Thinking about watching Game of Thrones. I miss you Khaleesi. *sniff*

I don’t want you to delete me if you watch Game of Thrones. Some of my best friends watch it and I’m still tempted. I just felt like ranting. Probably should have picked something more important, like fracking, TPP or the fact that there’s a website called “Architects and Engineers for 911 Truth”. That’ll probably lose me LOADS of friends.

(But it’s so well written. And there are bare breasts on occasional. Oh, and the graphic murder of the occasional child. Yeah, don’t watch it.)

I honestly would have loved to have received an essay legitimising watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians but I don’t really see how that’s possible. And I am under no illusions that I deserve an essay from anyone. In fact if I watched it and read that I would either just unfriend me or not even bother and keep watching. Who the f** am I to tell anyone else what to do?

(KP Kev the f*ck!ng Poet. That’s who 😉 x )