You know when you’re so ill everything is unpleasant? The sky is either too grey or too bright, your own voice is annoying, everything is either frustrating or painful and bed is the only option? That was me Wednesday night to Thursday night. Then Friday I went back to London, recovering from illness with my rucksack on my back to do a gig – cos that’s what I was born to do. When asked why I said for the money and for the vibe, but when it was apparent I probably wouldn’t get paid I stayed. Because I love doing it (pay me if you want to guarantee me turning up though.) I smashed it, they loved it. I was running at 60% energy but 110% passion.
Because I love it.
I could sleep for a month but after performing last night I couldn’t excuse not attending my Steiner School teaching course (this is not what Steiner meant by ‘phlegmatic’). But I love working with kids too, it’s a worthy investment.
Doing what I love between the episodes of self doubt reminds me to have self love.
I’ve just noticed that nearly every time I come here, Steiner House, I get inspired and write a poem (or two) when I ‘should’ be writing essay notes.
Do what you love. Be inspired. Or don’t, it’s what I do and I’m less pissed off with the world and myself when I do it, so I’d at least advise giving it a try.
Love and inspiration.
I spent alot of the past 2 years learning focus, responsibility, discipline and planning for the future. Really out of my comfort zone of happily airy-fairy, lack of responsibility and living in the moment. There were some good reasons for that. But life is about balance, and I still do what feels right when it feels right because it feels right and I don’t need another reason. My intuition knows things my conscious mind doesn’t, so when I turn up outside a cafe it’s just in time for a bredrin to turn up with a rainbow umbrella just in time for the rain to start and ask if I wanna go for a walk.
So yeah, less airy-fairy, more grounded, more responsibility and more forward planning. But still living in the moment and throwing plans to the side when the universe / open intelligence / consciousness has better ideas.
(I am nowhere near finished writing this weekend’s philosophical waffle. Cosmic Kev is officially back, no it wasn’t psychedelics, just flu, a couple of gigs and a couple of workshops. But I might have to speak on politics first.)