More 0pen with Less Judgment

This… this has been brewing…

There, but for a lack of education in the nature of the mind, go I. We are not taught to love ourselves, in fact we are assaulted every day by advertising that preys on our insecurities. We are not even taught how to breathe properly (unless you have a yoga teacher or chi gung teacher in infancy). We are not taught how to love each other, indeed I suspect that the so-called elite are taught from a young age to have contempt for what they consider to be the lower classes (in fact we’re taught to perceive class and then taught to hate and compete with other classes rather being taught to see individuals with no defined separation). And I cannot expect everyone to be inclined to think outside the box for fear of being ostracised. So how can I blame anyone for anything?

I started 2015 with a very neutral viewpoint. After focussing on creativity and being motivated by politics for many years – pro-peace and pro-sustainable (read anti-war and anti-capitalist if you’re still running those operating systems.) This severely limited the jobs I would work in, the ways I would live and even the people I would hang out with. Certain political points of view would anger me, and I couldn’t work with people who would anger me. Then 2014 depression came and by 2015 I was numb, almost as a subconscious act of self preservation I became numb in the awareness of the alternative I can experience as extreme empathy, it hurts. I no longer had well defined political opinions or a moral stance, every question on the subject was met with – “it’s complicated”, or “I don’t wanna talk about it”. I didn’t want to be restricted anymore, but I wasn’t sure where I was willing to compromise, where I might feel I was selling out and where I might feel I was merely growing up.

I’m still not entirely sure. I am more open now. But some lines are being re-drawn (just in pencil instead of pen this time).

Somewhere mid-2015 I became less numb. Refugees. War. Racism created by fear promoted by a sensationalist media. What I perceived to be avoidable refugees running from avoidable wars for resources we shouldn’t even be using anymore because oil is unsustainable and there are lots of sustainable solutions that would cost the oil companies a fraction of their profits to implement. Why does this not happen? Because those are fractions of billions, and a corporation’s only responsibility is to make profit for the shareholders.

So… People are dying every day due to our tax money funding unnecessary wars. At one point in my life I was so emotionally and ideologically opposed to being any part of that I dropped out of society – no rent, no council tax, no bills, no JSA, no address – nada. Those lines got rubbed out and re-drawn a few times since then. I still think it’s a valid stance, but it’s not one that serves me now, not when I can see how much good I can do with money and a stable home. (And quite frankly I was sick of being cold and feeling unappreciated.)

So I had a few powerful conversations in 2015 that helped me see a new goal. Kanada of Embercombe in particular reignited a fire in me that I had allowed to dim. When I attended a talk she did as part of the talk she recited a Hopi prophecy I had heard many times before – it had inspired alot of my closest friends – but the passion and the context and the synchronicity of it in that moment made me cry and made me care again. Numbness be gone. I was strong enough for empathy again. It made me celebrate the tribe I had found when I “let go of the sides” in the rapid flow of change. It made me grateful that I had gone an unconventional route and that I had prioritised my principles, that I knew where to find spring water, that I was living where I was living at least for now, harnessing the right relationships, that I was doing things that fulfilled me creatively as they would later fulfill me financially. Some of those principles had fallen a a little by the way-side but it was enough to make me feel, yeah, I’m proud of who I am, what I do and why I do it. But if I didn’t allow mainstream society to fill me with doubt, if I didn’t allow anxiety to hold me back I could do so much more. I have big ideas. It made me cry. Tears of guilt and tears of pride, conflicting powerful emotions.

I have recently had a conversation over New Years Eve that re-clarified my political perceptions. I don’t have political ‘beliefs’ anymore, I have perceptions. Beliefs appear fixed, perceptions imply that your view is just one angle that is subject to change. I can’t blame the politicians or corporations if they have been taught since childhood by everything around them that profit is the most important thing. I will be the change, I will continue to show people that other things, intangible things; like emotions, love, respect, legendary status, hugs and good memories are important too. But I will make more profit than I did in the past so those people who only respect money will respect my opinion. And so I have the freedom and power to make positive changes in my life and others.

So… 2016. I’m gonna be more open. I’m not going to be afraid of socialising with people richer than me. They’ll finance my ingenious ideas. That’s right, I said it. I’m not gonna worry about my old activist friends judging me for wearing a suit. I look damn good in a suit. I’m not gonna be afraid of asking to get paid for what I do. I’ve done gigs for free when I had no money and lived in a warehouse with no central heating. I have nothing to prove to anybody. And if I’m ver afraid, or if I ever worry I’m not gonna judge myself for worrying. Social awkwardness happens to all of us, and bravery is not lack of fear it’s acting despite it. I’ll try to be brave.

More open, less judgment.

I will try not to judge and I will try not to blame because most of us lack an education in the nature of the mind and in the nature of reality. But I will merely try to be the change I want to see.

I AM the change I want to see. And we are the one’s we’ve been waiting for. Why would it be anyone else?

{I will also try to write things like this during the day instead of 5 in the morning so I can sleep at night and walk my talk during the day!}

 

Screen Shot 2016-01-02 at 20.57.08

{I will also try to write things like this during the day instead of 5 in the morning so I can sleep at night and walk my talk in the day!}

 

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