Feeling pretty damn happy. Actually no, I’ll say I’m content. I started happy but by the time of editing I had chilled out to the point of ‘content’. Contentness tends to last longer with more stability anyway.
Considering even my most optimistic writings of recent times have been mainly inspired by my recent anxiety and depression I thought I’d share that with you. Also thought I’d share the depression and anxiety so I don’t make you all jealous or nauseated by the rainbows and unicorns. I’d still rather get inspiration from youtube and a select few lovelys on facebook than leave the house these days but even my rare journeys out the house have been pleasant. Okay. What’s the focus? What’s made me happy and what the philosophical significance of what has made me happy, what have I learned and how it can help others.
I have some rather pleasant appearances in my reality right now, leading to some rather pleasant data. But I don’t want my emotional stability to rely on experiences beyond my control. There was nothing ‘wrong’ with me when I labelled my infinite beneficial potency as depressed, it was juat stuff I was going through. I had my path, my goals and priorities reinforced by likeminded people, that’s the bottom line. But the happiest times of my life when I was squatting with likeminded artists and activists I was surrounded by likeminded people but when I moved and they moved I found myself in what appeared to be a hostile environment, avoiding and replacing (like avoiding people you disagree with and replacing them with people you do) is not a long term solution. I’m still gonna enjoy this now though! My good mood was also inspired by past life perspectives of the years of research and hypnotherapy by the late Dolores Cannon RIP and The Law of One material channelled by the late Carla Ruekert RIP which also support my priorities. But it is not the cosmic material or the support of my points of view but mutual emotional support that made me happy this week, mutual emotional support, an appreciation for the little things, and a shared desire to make the world a better place for the benefit of all. Also, ironically, it was the lessons I learned in my effort to manage my depression, both the lessons learned through experience as well as the advice I received in the dark times that led to happier times later, lessons I shared with others that led to a strengthening of bonds.
Yeah, I’m pretty content right now, maybe even happy. But I strive to maintain mental stability through afflictive emotions and emotional stability through afflictive mental states. Even unhappiness, even depression.
I think Rudolf Steiner would call me sanguine. “Sanguines surrender themselves to the continual , changing flux of images, feelings and ideas” (from The Four Temperaments by R Steiner.) But from another perspective all of those feelings and ideas are just data that come from and go back to the pristine and unchanged mind, open intelligence. “The introduction to short moments of open intelligence many times may at first seem radically different… Thoughts, emotions, sensations and other experiences – all data – appear and vanish naturally within open intelligence, like the flight path of a bird in the sky. The potent open intelligence and alertness that is identified when you stop thinking is the basis for all data” (from EDUCATION IN THE NATURE OF THE MIND by The Balanced View Team.) It’s this perspective that mind is perfect open intelligence regardless of what appears in it, even perfect when a bad mood appears in it, that helped get me through the sad times, ironically putting me im a good mood to attract better appearances. Now that I’m content I intend to enjoy it but never want to rely on happy experiences for mental and emotional stability. To remember it was being okay with how I felt when I was sad that attracted positive people and experiences, not the other way round…
Well regardless of the fact that I strive to maintain mental stability through afflictive emotions and emotional stability through afflictive mental states I would look like to thank the people who have given me pleasant emotions and thoughts recently, the lovelies who appreciate the little things like, poetry, pink blossoms, and honesty. Especially honest answers to difficult questions.
So yeah, feel like I’m on track doing what my higher self would like from the perspective of many lifetimes – focussing on love and creativity. Give a fu** what the twisted, shallow priorities of modern western society would like, those standards are clearly insane. But that’s just a story, just my data. Just my point of view. But hey, same thing could be said of happiness (and they’d be right.)
In short, your perfect even when you’re sad, appreciate the little things – even Dizraeli’s nan says so, and even if nobody gets you be yourself for long enough and the other weirdos will find you and share their sadness and weirdness until none of you feel so sad and weird anymore. But don’t let that make you forget – you were perfect, even when you were sad.