Approaching Darth Vader mode. Just because you don’r run from your own darkside does not mean you have to indulge in it. Yoda can throw lightning too if he wants to.
People who want to be spiritual tend to deny their selfish side (which we all have) and their sexual side (which most of us have), and people who want to be successful in mainstream society tend to deny their spiritual side; but if you try to accept all sides? You generally end up misunderstood, but you have the satisfaction of knowing that you’re realer and braver than these fake motherfuckers out here. Holden Caulfield said it best in The Catcher in the Rye. I hate a phony too. And in my quest to be ‘spiritual’ I became a phony hypocrite, and therefore hated myself. Transcend the hate by loving it all, the light and the dark, the inevitable hypocrisy of being a multidimensional character with conflicting emotions. Reality.
I do not sleep anymore. If I have nothing I particularly want to wake to I see no point in putting myself to bed. I think I may need a new path and direction. My current existence doesn’t quite cut it anymore. Hmmm… maybe I’ll get an early night tonight and master playing my ocarina tomorrow. 08:08am. Might as well try sleeping again. Or watch Bob’s Burgers and start my Steiner Essay? (Should probably sleep before you start an essay Mr Panton…) Why is the subconscious voice in my head so much more responsible than regular me. Ahhh, it’s 08:09 now, too late for sleeping.
I realised, or rather remembered, tonight that I already have a project it’s called LIFE, (my friend Igor suggested even better LIVING), and I am spreading positivity every day, it’s just become such an every day thing that I don’t value it like I should. Spreading positivity every day is just how I live my life, I just need to do it more face to face and less face to facebook. Or I forget how to interact with people and the fear of judgment turns into anxiety and life starts to lose meaning. But how could life lose meaning when every single act ripples for eternity? A wise man once said – “Each moment is a chance to give from your heart” (it was a man called Green from a reggae band called Avalon Roots, they’re great.)
Give love. Be love.