Happy New Year.
2014 had it’s tests. Oh yes it had it’s tests, but it had it’s high points and I bet you can guess, it’s still standad procedure – everyt’ing bless! Rest before the test, rest during the test, or as I think Craig said “rest as the test”. Even Bruce Lee was known to attest that when we’re relaxed we work the best.
I got real with reality and closer to my family, Pleaidians and Sirians, yeah, THEY can channel ME. I got real with reality and closer to my family so can it be that I give thanks for getting depressed? Yes!
Yeah, 2014 had hilarity and tragedy. It was a challenging and rewarding year. I give thanks for the challenges. But I also give thanks to the lovely people who helped provide happy times to get through the challenges. To name a few, the Happy Daze crew and the Happy Daze Ravers Guide to the Galaxy, the 12:34 crew and the Congo Natty Event and the Kenny Ken event (big up the Falmouth massive), the HAppy Daze crew and Boomtow crew for Boomtown shenanigans, Dub Revolution for the Dub Revolution German tour with Plug Dub and Plug Wizards and the Dub Station and all the German crew, espeically Sista Sherin, Senor C and Toni Wiese (little do they know they were the beginning of me crawling out of my hole of depression and back on to stages), The Poet Tree Alliance Crew for the Milton Keynes links and fun, the Balanced View crew for thetrainings, wisdomm and friendship, and for revealing the basic nature of inteligence and the nature of the mind, the Steiner training group, all my teachers and Group 17, and for those that supported me during my winter rebirth – The Zu Studios crew in Lewes, the PAssing Clouds crew in London particularly Ashearon and Gita, Dorothy Watkins and the Duende crew in Bristol and last but not least my Synchromystic family for synchronously and mystically linking me everywhere from Avebury on Summer Solstice to Winchester and Stonehenge on Winter Solstice and various unlikely jams and unexpected meetings and unplanned rehearsals inbetween 🙂
Happy New Year.
Hm, not really capable of leaving it there. Well I am but that’s not my preference. It’s been a testing year and a rewarding year, one of the most testing ando ne of the most rewarding. So expect a philosophical and emotional essay which I will edit and/or deete dependng on how anxious and self conscious I feel later 🙂
It seems this year in particular this little incarnation of infinity, this little peephole out of open intelligence, was really facing the things a mirror that was reflecting darkness that had been avoided or replaced for years. IT thought it was an “I” and this I hated hypocrisy. But this I had been preaching forgiveness, but it’s hard, if not impossible, to forgive someone that does not want to be forgiven. The illusion of “I” could not practice what it preached. The illusion of “I” began to hate itself. Again. There is no “I”. Just a massive web of infinite consciousness, maybe occasionally, simultaneously looking out of two eyes, or maybe three. Or maybe 7 billion “I”s and sets of eyes, but that doesn’t count the trees. Meh.
The truth is that we’re all massive hypocrites, and I exalt that, how can we not be with our super-multidimensional selves, we’re always going to have aspects of our personalities that disagree with our habits, our ever shifting preferences are always going to be at odds with our ever changing emotions, our desires do not always align with our morals, as long as we cling to this illusion of an I that doesn’t change. So we can paradoxically exalt and salute our hypocrisy in acknowledgement that it is an expression of how infinite and complex we all are. While at the same time those of us who share a hatred of fakeness can salute our integrity and honour, just don’t get attached to it cos its an imaginary rug waiting to get pulled.
Okay, this is where it gets personal. The illusion of the I spent ten years avoiding and replacing situations that made me depressed and anxious. That list grew, from my family to London to anywhere I couldn’t be lean. Really. Despite all my hippy spiritual stuff and thoughts of tolerance it was easy when I was surrounded y hippies or activists and just about anyone else made me angry. You were either as over-sensitive as I am or a ****. I hated most people for not being sensitive about the world we live in and most people in mainstream society **** me the **** off, I couldn’t live with them and I couldn’t work with them without getting upset or full-blown depressed.
Do I think I’m wrong for that? No. Our taxes get spent on bombing children to make money for global corporations that avoid paying taxes while most people care more about celebrity than dying children. But They’re not wrong for feeling that way either, who am I to tell people what to care about and who am I helping if I’m crippled by depression or hatred because people disagree with, or can’t even see my point of view? Nobody’s wrong, we’re all trying to be of benefit with the data we have, I just have different data.
Eventually my avoiding and replacing didn’t work anymore, The illusion of the I didn’t want to live in squats anymore, the illusion of the I had to pay rent, the illusion of the I hated most jobs cos most people who are neither activists nor hippies will probably challenge my beliefs but this little incarnation of infinity has decided this year to face those challenges, leave the 4:20 all day every day life behind, live with family and train to be a Steiner school teacher.
The independent and rebellious side is really reluctant to give credit where it’s due mainly due to a fear and hatred of most organisations and/or groups (and because I have to humble myself for dropping out of the teaching in 2007 and slowly re-intergrating into the community particularly when my depression came back at the start of 2014.) But I would not be where I am today, and I mean literally I probably would not be in London training to be a Steiner school teacher, if the Balanced View training had not helped me live with depression and face my fears. It’s the most practical teaching I’ve come across and the most useful organisation / or group I’ve been a part of and they’re all lovely.
2014 you appeared to be a rollercoaster of epic highs and tragiclows but the universal consciousness it all appeared in remains the same – open source intelligence fully networked, steadily improving connections to the 7 bilion other humans whether digital or beyond.
And I have not forgotten, the epic highs and the epic people were EPIC! Thank you lovely people for the highs.
So, in short, thank you depression for helping to get real with reality. Thank you hypocrisy for helping to see how multidimensional we are. Thank you rebellion for showing me how the same lessons are learned on a seemingly unique path. Thank you 2014 for being a test.
But mainly thank you for the people. The people ho said wise things or loving things, the people who spoke from their hearts and not their ego, the people who live to be of benefit to all (that’s everybody), and the people who KNOW they live to be of benefit to all (that appears to be a growing number.) Thank you people.
But 2015 – I’d rather not have to learn those lessons again, rest before the test, rest during the test and rest as the test and maybe it won’t be so testing? Relax before you react?
May I learn to rest before the test in 2015. Relax before we react, and react as one. Relaxed but getting more work done.
So 2015, less deaths and more money would be great. But if it’s not the case I’ll just relax anyway, and get more work done. It’s just stuff that happens.
So thanks again people for helping me to get through a testing year. I don’t know if I’m less depressed now or less anxious now or just better at living with it. But this little incarnation of infinity, this little peephole outof open intelligence, is better at living with depression and anxiety, thank you all for helping life on planet Earth seem less constantly painful and reminding me that there is wisdom, beauty and love on this journey.
Wishing all of you all of the verybest for 2015, and may you all learn to live in joy with whatever it gives you.
Om lokah samasta sukino bhavantu.