A MFing rant! Conspiracy Facts, Conspiracy Theories and Depression.

I once wrote “too good for this planet, too much pride for suicide, but running out of patience, who’ll ride by my side. We’re all on the same side, I’m gon make you believe me, now I finally realised I gotta make it look easy.” From ‘T3RRO1ST THREATS’ UK Indigo Remix by KP Kev the Poet.

One moment at a time, one day at a time can make what once seemed impossible seem alot easier.

I don’t know how much I still agree with that couplet and it feels different in the light of Robin Williams recent suicide. He was funny, popular and rich but that wasn’t enough. I am not implying that he didn’t have enough pride and I’m not saying that I am currently suicidal. But I can empathise with being depressed when it looks to an outsider that life is fine.


Alot of people ‘care too much’, and alot of people have different ways of suppressing how much they care in a world that does not support such sensitivity. Sometimes it may seem like they don’t care about themselves, sometimes it may seem like they don’t care about others, but sometimes they ‘care too much’. I would like to say that there is no such thing as caring too much but that is not a point of view I would like to defend. Some might say that it is ‘normal’ to care less and earn more than I generally have. Some would say that there is no such thing as normal.

A teaching to simply stop thinking for short moments many times until it becomes continuous has been the most effective way for me to deal with depression recently. In my experience it is a technique not to avoid depression but to accept it. It is an emotional mine-field for me because the first time I confronted and dealt with depression I did it on my own, and my self esteem for years was built on a foundation of knowing that I had done it on my own. It is still a challenge for me to accept help from a teaching that relies on community after creating an identity, self esteem and false sense of ‘self’ that identiied itself as individual, rebellious, and proud of his ‘authority issues’.

So someone reminded me about the the Conspiracy Theory of the faked moon landings. I had read about the conspiracy before, the flags moving with no wind, the unexplained shadows, but I had completely forgotten the theory of Stanley Kubrick’s involvement. The person who had reminded me seemed upset that I had forgotten, and more upset that I didn’t care that much. It was at the point that they started to insult my intelligence that I felt compelled to describe my perception and defend my opinion…


I have a vague interest in the Kubrick theory but please don’t take the fact that I’ve decided not to get obsessed with it personally. What is rational thought? What is rational depends on context. What is the rational response to a conspiracy for one person is different to a rational response from someone who studied conspiracies since he was 12, someone who made himself depressed with his knowledge of what modern western governments are willing to do with to their own people and someon who for the sake of his own sanity stopped obsessing over such media. The question is does this help? I think looking at the dark side, of humanity and ourselves, is a necessary stage of spiritual and/or emotional growth and sticking ones head in the sand doesn’t help at all. However my statement about forgetting conspiracy theories to make room for facts was a satire of myself. You are judging something that you know nothing about, ie me.

Ontology is boring. I don’t like labelling things. I prefer taoism, not labelling things and the perception that no ‘thing’ or concept has an independent nature from any other ‘thing’ or concept. am a philosophy graduate.

Conspiracy theory is boring, I have a head full of conspiracy facts. This discussion is currently competing with David Icke on Red Ice Creations discussing the Origins of Israel & New Mono World Order for my attention and the Origins of Israel seems more relevant to my life right now. However neither Icke on Israel not Weidner on Kubrick is going to make me a better person, more compassionate person. They won’t even help me to take down this New World Order they are in the process of making me scared of. So what purpose does it serve? It is my preference to investigate conspiracy but I’ve given up telling people what to think. Conspiracty theories go on forever so at some point you have to stop and accept that the answers lead to more questions and you will always have more questions than answers.

I am struggling to be understood by someone who doesn’t want to understand me, they want to dominate me intellectually. Arguments are boring. So please, if it pleases you, dominate me intellectually. Give me a list of reasons why Kubrick’s faked moon landings should be more important than Israel, or the fact that it’s a documented fact the CIA imported crack, or it’s a documented fact that both the CIA and FBI had decidedly racist policies yet nobody is talking about them. Or give me a list of reasons why ontology is the best philosophy. My point is that beyond the theories the clear facts that our government’s commit atrocities every day, have policies that are outwardly sociopathic, that Tony Blair lied about WMDs as an excuse to bomb thousands of people and is now getting paid millions as a consultant for JP Morgan instead of rotting in a cell for war crimes, all of these are known and documented facts and yet most people don’t know and don’t care. That is important to me and seemingly only me cos my holistic brain sees all this, knows all this and has to deal with the fact that hardly anyone  else seems to care every day. And it hurts.


Someone else felt the need to comment on an article I shared, Scientists Claim That Quantum Theory Proves Consciousness Moves To Another Universe At Death. They didn’t havea problem specifically with the data they were just annoyed that it was not the data they are obsessed with. They said it was an irrelevant distraction from the abuse of power. Now how consciousness, which filters our perception of everything, could be irrelevant to ANYthing is actually beyond me now I think about it but let’s not labour that philosophical point. Their subject of interest was the nuturing of children, which I agree is one of the most important things. But to criticise someone for merely sharing other information seems a bit… much. Who knows, maybe they were just annoyed that more people don’t care about kids, they have a right to be annoyed, but I have a right to think that the fact that the fact that scientists are looking at death and consciousness (actual doctors of sciences!) is a really cool fact.

I just find this quantum stuff interesting but I will not argue that it is not the priority compared to “removing from power the ability to abuse or coerce or bully” but people are always gonna argue about what the major ‘issue’ is. Whether it’s greenhouse gases, war, wifi signals, bees, over-population, eugenics, radiation from Fukishima, Israel’s Zionists or natural parenting someone somewhere will always have an argument for why their cause is more important than the one I posted last. But for the record I would put the nurturing of children pretty high on the list.


So in short. Children get blown up every day and British and American politicians profit from this and if I were to do everything in my power to remind and/or inform people of this I would get either arrested or sectioned cos the most of the most effective ways of getting attention are probably either illegal or crazy. I thought about these things years ago, back when I might have described myself as a ‘front-line activist’. I am not about to do anything illegal or crazy. This frustrates me so much some days I dare say it’s on the wrong side of sanity.

I found the safest option for making positive change was informing people of problems and solutions through Hip-Hop and/or poetry. But neither put enough food on the table or rent in the bank. In light of seeing the pain that goes on and the really easy solutions that could be implemented (if people could just see the issues they would make change just out of the sheer disgust that they have been lied to by mass murderers, who knew they would profit from death if they could convince a gullible public to condone military action.) So my thanks for sharing this information is usually poverty, and has sometimes been homelessness. This frustrates me so much some days I dare say it’s on the wrong side of sanity.

(Ironically child care, the nurturing of children, appears to be potentially far more economically rewarding and appears to be a major part of my next step in a new direction.)

And even the most like-minded people rather than collaborating to discuss solutions often choose to argue over what issues they should be moaning about rather than discuss how they can solve the issues. This frustrates me so much some days I dare say it’s on the wrong side of sanity.

Alot of this is ego. Hiding the fact that my opinion was challenged behind philosophical argument. Some of it is is a cry for help. I’m not suicidal, I’m still too proud for that, it still appears that I can currently help more people alive than I could if I was dead and I’m still obsessed with my eternal ripples through the illusion of time being what I would perceive to be positive in the light of that fact that positive and negative are subjective perceptions. But yet another perception is that all is benefit, the reality is the universe benefitting itself is all there is.

I once wrote “too good for this planet, too much pride for suicide, but running out of patience, who’ll ride by my side. We’re all on the same side, I’m gon make you believe me, now I finally realised I gotta make it look easy.” One short moment at a time.

xxx xxxxx xxxxxxxx






One thought on “A MFing rant! Conspiracy Facts, Conspiracy Theories and Depression.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s